it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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