Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
