i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
