halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and she was petting her beer can
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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