apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
