If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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