i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
