When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
