all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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