The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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