uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
