i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this will be a night to untag.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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