its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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