i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
