let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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