The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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