Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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