you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
