I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
