not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
