No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
