Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
