If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
