Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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