she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
