I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
