Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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