I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nutella sex= disaster
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
