Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
