I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
