I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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