I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
