Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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