dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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