you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
