He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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