so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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