her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
