the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
