You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
