you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
