and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
