then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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