I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
