She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
