so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
