I got chris browned last night
there's paper in my vomit.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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