A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
