I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
