You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
