You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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