We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
