They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
