I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
