so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
