if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
