I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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