Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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